I am a mess of a person. I think that's why I feel like I can't or just shouldn't be blogging most of the time. My house is a mess, my emotions are mostly a mess, my heart is definitely a mess.But maybe that's what it is supposed to be about after all. . . my big messy life.  My big messy life and the God who is cleaning me up. . . over and over again.
(a quote from one of my favorite songs that I am finding particularly meaningful today.)

"It seems that all my bridges have been burned,
But, you say that's exactly how this grace thing works
It's not the long walk home 
that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive with the restart"

~Roll Away Your Stone from Mumford and Sons 

This is my life. I am who I want to be. Well, almost. I find myself being utterly thankful for my life and rebellious about about my life almost in the same instant.
The rebellion creeps in when the dishes are piled high and I am exhausted. When the floors are filthy and KL will NOT stop pulling on me. When the the plain old tiredness of being 17 weeks pregnant hits me and I realize I have not gotten one viable thing accomplished all day. These are the times when I am very apt to assume an attitude of martyrdom, just in time to greet a tired and hungry husband. I put myself on the defensive. . waiting for him to make a remark that could possibly be seen as snide or critical. It's because of these things. . . Knowing these things about myself and longing to put the attitude of rebellion and bitterness off forever, that I say I am who I want to be. Almost. God is not done with me. Everyday I realize how far I have to go.
But this is my life, and I love it. you see that smiling face up there? That's my little girl. The most amazing gift I have ever been given. She is her daddy all over and that makes her all the more special and precious to me. Of course she looks like me sometimes but I love seeing her daddy's grin come over her face, like in this picture. These people (and the one in my womb) are my life and how Thankful I am. :)

What can I say about life these days? Not much and A LOT at the same time. Life goes on pretty much as it always has but changes everyday too. My plans for a baking blog never materialized. It's just as well. I don't have the time or energy it would take to make such a blog interesting and readable + I would gain so much weight! Maybe one day.

So life is pretty much the same. I stay home with KL and try not to use my job as an excuse to not get anything else done. . creative or otherwise. I am still a violinist though some days I feel this ability slipping away from me and wonder home many days I can go without serious practice before I lose my "touch."

Katy Lynn is growing so fast. The rare moments when she is still enough (read: tired enough) to let me cuddle and rock her I force myself to take a mental picture knowing full well it is one of the last times she will probably let me rock her for any length of time. Oh how the newborn days seemed to drag. . . with nothing BUT rocking and walking. Now these sweet times are waning. I know they will only be replaced by other, different sweet times but still. My baby girl is so big.

Speaking of newborn days. We get to experience them again very soon! Baby Dobson 2.0 is set to arrive in late July, Lord willing. We are beyond excited! :)

This morning I actually had the kind of morning I have been dreaming about for awhile. I got up with James, made breakfast and sent him off to work, but instead of returning to bed until KL wakes up I stayed up! I made coffee, toasted my bagel and sat down with my Bible. This is the habit I want to form at least until the baby is born. We will see.

Well, there it is. . . a blog post. Hopefully I'll come up with something enlightening to say eventually but for now I'll just prattle.

So, as you can quite obviously see this is a very personal kind of a blog. Not a general interest, writing, or niche kind of blog at all.  All 7 posts (!) have simply been me talking about the mundane things of my every day life. This is fine. . nothing wrong with this except that I am not sure I want to blog like this any longer (well I guess I really haven't been since my last post is dated July!).  I may continue here or not. My time is not so much freer to do so but a bit more streamed lined as KL is more on a predictable schedule and I am S L O W L Y becoming better housekeeper and time manager.

All this being said I have to decide what direction I want to go. If I continue here it will only be for the odd family member or 2 who care to see what adventures our family goes on. (Not there are many outside of our dear BSL.) I have decided to work towards another kind of blog though. A baking blog. Yes, I want to add my endless pictures  attempts at pictures of cookies and cakes and gushing about this 'heavenly cheesecake" to the million others out there.  I hope it will be up and running soon. I hope to feature my holiday baking as the first series.

You may or may not see updates here in the future (I will alert the appropriate parties if I decide to continue.) So maybe you'll next see me at my new blog. Link to come.

Thanks :-)

and we're back

I'm going to keep plugging along here. Updates will happen when they happen and this blog may grow into something to be proud of and it may not. I'm just going to keep trying. "Keep Trying" is what I say to myself about a number of things these days. Housework, baby raising, weight loss, meal planning. If i quit, I die. . so I keep trying.

::News::

KL, finally has a tooth! Albeit its just a tiny little toothlet that's just broken the skin but it'll get there! Fun times. I was beginning to think she was going to be toothless. We know a few other babies around her age who are cutting tooth #4 already. So yeah, we're catching up.

KL gets her casts off next week! Yay! I'm anxious to see what the little girl will surprise us with once she has a little more freedom to move. Maybe she'll shock us and start crawling FORWARD! LOL

COFFEE! Yes, I can have it now It doesn't seem to bother KL anymore for which I am eternally grateful. My productivity has increased because of it, let me tell you!

That's about it for news. Our life looks dull on the outside but it's hopping I assure you. I feel like we are ALWAYS busy. But that's life. You slow down, you die. . apparently.

Our daily life seem full and slow at the same time htough. KL and I usually walk about and hour in the mornings followed by a little play time and then a nap for her. I do chores and relax a little (like now). Then its wake up time for her and more chores (while she plays or eats in the high chair) for me. This cycle plays out about twice and then James comes home and all is right with the worldd once again.

I love my life. I really do.

Early Morning

I usually go back to bed after james leaves for work. Usually because I always feel woefully behind in sleep. This morning though I feel a tad bit caught up. We will see if it lasts and if I give in to a nap later.

I feel as if I have been busy all week but still have so much to do. I guess it will always feel that way to a certain extent.

I have been inspired lately by a few websites that focus on how to live with less and on less. The Lord has blessed James and I so much in spite of ourselves. James earns a good income and outside of our home we have no debt. I'm afraid this knowledge has tempted me to be a little too carefree with the household spending.  I was appalled when James told me that he had averaged our grocery spending over the last 6 months and that it was . . . let's just say out of control.  Part of this was due to the fact that we moved, and have had a pretty needy baby. I have used this as an excuse to buy more convenience type foods rather than cooking from scratch. No more. It has to stop.

One of the things I have been doing to avoid over spending is planning a menu and sticking to it. Here is a link that has a lot of free downloads - menu planning forms and much more. I have also been writing down everything i spend. Trying my best to itemize and keep track of what each item costs (on sale, at different stores etc.)

I am also exploring the idea of couponing but have yet to actually implement it.

SimpleMom is also a great website for not only money saving ideas but for just creative ways to simplify life. And I'm all about that!

these days

These days I try not to lose myself in what I consider the upheaval of everyday life. There is always an upheaval. There is no escaping it. I am never going to have every single task complete at the same time and have the luxury of sitting and basking in a the serene knowledge of a job well done. 

(picture was snapped with my iPhone and makes me feel serene when i look at it. )

I am blogging right now because . . well I have been putting it off for awhile and because I am tired and am dreading the thought of tackling the mountain of work before me.  KL is napping and the house is peaceful. 

But there is a lot to do. Life comes at you fast and if you're not careful can steal your joy and your serenity. Lately I'm focusing on not letting that happen. That and avoiding muffins and cookies like the plague. (yesterday was a cheat day-otherwise i've been doing pretty good. . . sigh)