Things on my mind

So, I've re entered the blogosphere. I'm attempting to write my own blog but I'm also reading more blogs (as times permits).  Since I'm doing all this reading I kept thinking. . . there must be an easier way to keep up with all the blogs and websites that I like. Wallah! I RE discovered Google Reader. And then I felt really stupid for forgetting about it.

So things on my mind? Well, let's see (As KL would say):

My Babies, definitely my babies. They consume about 98% of my time and make me exhausted 100% of the time but I cannot imagine our live without them. They bring me joy and a new sense of wonder every day. Like the day KL decided to belt out "Row Row Row Your Boat" while looking through a nursery rhyme book that had an illustration next to the song. This amazed me because this is not a song I regularly sing to her. I mean I MIGHT have sung it half a dozen times total. I Sing A LOT to her. . but it's just not high on my list of songs I sing. So funny. So wondrous. She connected with this song for some reason and remembered it.

Russell just sits around being a doll mostly. He is a joy just to look at. He lights up when I smile at him. HE talks back excitedly when I talk to him. He is my heart, my snuggle bunny and how did we get along without him for so long?

On my mind is my new interest in "looking put together." HA! Hopefully it lasts. I bought some jeans that fit (still a bit snug but the next size was too big). I bought a pretty top and a pair of black pants. I also bought a lipstick and some eye shadow! I am on a roll. Judging from the compliments I got when i "assembled" myself I figure I better try to stick with it because I must have looked SCARY before. LOL

                                          (the setting of a recent band performance. out in the country on a crisp, Fall Mississippi evening. nothing like it.)

On my mind is also my love of music and my attempt to balance this love and desire to be active in pursuing opportunities to teach, perform, and just play with the needs of my family. My family comes first, but James and I began this journey with the idea that my continual involvement in musical pursuits would serve as educational for our family as well as pleasurable. There is also the need for a musician to be continually well. . being a musician. As it is I DO NOT practice even a fraction of the time I did when I was in college, but if I didn't have gigs here and there or a couple student I think I would surely dry up as a musician. Maybe not completely but it would be hard to pick it back up I think.

On my mind is also my dear husband. What a saint he is. He tolerates, encourages and supports me at every turn. He is truly a servant leader and I am so thankful for him.

discoveries

So a lot of my perusing of the internet is generally time wasting but sometimes I find things worthwhile. Here are a couple blogs I have been enjoying lately.

To Think Is To Create- I am LOVING this blog. This lady is awesome.

I have loved this blog for awhile now. - her style is amazing. Her pics are exquisite. Her recipe's have never failed me.

In addition to all my time wasting on the internets I have been thinking a lot about body image. Wah wah wah. . . yah here we go. I am on a weight loss journey. I am a mom of two precious children and I have the body scars to prove it. I believe I will reach my goal and be a healthier person with more energy to play with my kids (have more kids ;) ) and do the things I feel called to do as the domestic engineer of my home. I BELIEVE that I WILL get there. . . eventually. I have recently started a eating very similar to the Atkins diet. I have come to hate the idea of a fad diets but I am trying to look at my new way of eating as just healthy. I eat a lot of veggies and eggs both of which are good for you. I eat meat too but try not to over eat or eat super fatty stuff. Bottom line: it's working. I lost about 8 pounds pretty fast and now it's going a bit more slowly. But that's OK. I'll get there.

 In the mean time. . . . I HAVE NO CLOTHES! My maternity/ post partum type pants are too loose now but my jeans still don't fit. I intentionally got rid of a lot of stuff recently. Stuff I've had since college. Stuff I paid $5 for and now it really looks like it etc etc. So with the exception of 2 small boxes at the top of my closet with a few things I hope to be able to wear in a year, my wardrobe literally consists of 3 pairs of jeans that don't fit yet (getting close), about a thousand T shirts, exercise pants and shorts and a few skirts and may be 3 decent looking tops. So guess what I'm going to do? I'm going to buy some clothes! Yes, and I don't care if I have to buy 2 sizes up from my normal size (which was already too big in my opinion). Mama, needs to look decent again. Then, when those clothes are too big I will pack them up to be used as postpartum clothes for the next baby. And then I'll really go shopping! It'll all work. :) I just need to feel pretty again.

That's the news from Lake Wobegon.

Why am I suddenly blogging again? I honestly don't know. I don't really have anything to say. KL peed on the floor, Russell blew out his diaper, I ate about 3 spoonfuls of peanut butter because I couldn't wait to scramble 2 eggs for my lunch. ( Yes, I am on the infamous high protein diet. . it's working if I don't cheat.) That's the news from Lake Wobegon. . . . . .

No seriously I think I get lonesome sometimes. I have friends, don't get me wrong but being a stay at home mom of an infant and a toddler (who is TRYING to potty train) can feel rather isolating at times. For some reason it's made me want to write about it. . .  because i'm an extrovert and if you don't like it you can get over it. ;) Id like to share some of my kitchen chaos on here eventually. Maybe soon. I LOVE to bake. Much too much.

It's ALMOST feeling like Fall around here. We will have a few beautiful days only to be greeted by horrid humidity after a few days more. Oh well. Maybe one day I can wear a sweater all day and not feel like I need to rip it off at 10AM.

Plans for this blog include: baking experiments, baby adventures, toddler adventures, and the odd musical endeavor. stay tuned.


Meanwhile I am staring down the barrel of nap time. Otherwise known as the time where I try to get a days worth of chores accomplished in 2.5 hours and squeeze in a little quiet time too.

Maybe if I keep rambling I'll come up with something worth while. Peace out ya'll.

Just me.

I am a sensitive person. Ok, I am a VERY sensitive person. Those who have known me only a short time may find it hard to believe that i used to be a LOT more sensitive. How is that possible? It's possible. . there are scars on my marriage to prove it. Ok, that sounds a bit extreme. Lets just say that James and I could have avoided many a conflict if I was not so sensitive. . and yes maybe if he were a bit MORE sensitive. But that's neither here nor there. We've both improved. He is much more thoughtful than he used to be and yes I have improved too. But still the fact remains, I am a sensitive person.

I try to spin this in different ways in my head. I am sensitive. Translation: I am an artist! Or, I am so much kinder than other people BECAUSE of my tendency to be ultra sensitive. I try to make it into a virtuous thing. It isn't. It's just what it is. Yes, maybe there are some pluses to being sensitive. . SOMETIMES. But most of the time it just ends in my being a big baby all the time. My feelings get hurt easily. It's so bad that my TWO YEAR OLD is capable of hurting my feelings!

Here's the point. I am trying to figure out how I am to use this trait. God made me this way. He made me ultra sensitive. HE didn't intend for my feelings to be hurt constantly (as they are) but HE did intend for me to be a certain instrument. . a certain part of the body. My sensitivity must be turned toward others I think. I think? I know! I must stop turning inward and reveling in my hurt feelings over someone's words or being left out or overlooked. The more I turn outward with a giving heart, sensitivity and thoughtfulness to others the more I am glorifying my Father. The more I strive to cultivate a thankful heart the better it will go for me and the easier it will be to deal with the hurts that come. I'll be able to "get over myself" and get on with the business of loving people instead of myself.

Hard lesson. :)

life goes on

My babies are growing up. The oldest one can't really be called a baby anymore. She is going to be 2 in just a couple of weeks! my real baby is a baby but is almost 3 months old himself! I go back and forth between rejoicing that things are getting a little easier and bemoaning the fact that they are growing up. :)

We go through a lot of diapers at our house and even though i don't exclusively cloth diaper my washer stays busy. I do not know how you mama's who ONLY use cloth do it. I sure love all the cute diaper colors.

So life goes on. . . 

We go on lots of walks. I clean up lots of spit up. KL tries to learn to go the potty. Russell finds his fists. James brews beer. James and I try to stay connected and not get too exhausted. These are trying times. These are awesome times. :) Meanwhile, I'll write a song and snuggle up to my husband at night and try to catch those few hours before it's baby feeding time again. I know these days will go fast. Trying my best to enjoy them. 

(streets we often find ourselves on. . we love our double jogging stroller.) 

life in the loony bin

I often feel these days that I actually live in a loony bin. I live for quiet moments and alone time. I live for a clean bathroom and time to read a book. I live for clean laundry and a spotless kitchen. And then I realize. . I actually live for my kid's smiles. For Russell's coos and KL's sweet kisses to her brother.  Yes the clean laundry, the quiet moments, the alone time keep me sane but it's not what I live for. . not really. I actually live to see my family happy and healthy. The quiet moments help me get to a place that helps me make that happen. :)