Just me.

I am a sensitive person. Ok, I am a VERY sensitive person. Those who have known me only a short time may find it hard to believe that i used to be a LOT more sensitive. How is that possible? It's possible. . there are scars on my marriage to prove it. Ok, that sounds a bit extreme. Lets just say that James and I could have avoided many a conflict if I was not so sensitive. . and yes maybe if he were a bit MORE sensitive. But that's neither here nor there. We've both improved. He is much more thoughtful than he used to be and yes I have improved too. But still the fact remains, I am a sensitive person.

I try to spin this in different ways in my head. I am sensitive. Translation: I am an artist! Or, I am so much kinder than other people BECAUSE of my tendency to be ultra sensitive. I try to make it into a virtuous thing. It isn't. It's just what it is. Yes, maybe there are some pluses to being sensitive. . SOMETIMES. But most of the time it just ends in my being a big baby all the time. My feelings get hurt easily. It's so bad that my TWO YEAR OLD is capable of hurting my feelings!

Here's the point. I am trying to figure out how I am to use this trait. God made me this way. He made me ultra sensitive. HE didn't intend for my feelings to be hurt constantly (as they are) but HE did intend for me to be a certain instrument. . a certain part of the body. My sensitivity must be turned toward others I think. I think? I know! I must stop turning inward and reveling in my hurt feelings over someone's words or being left out or overlooked. The more I turn outward with a giving heart, sensitivity and thoughtfulness to others the more I am glorifying my Father. The more I strive to cultivate a thankful heart the better it will go for me and the easier it will be to deal with the hurts that come. I'll be able to "get over myself" and get on with the business of loving people instead of myself.

Hard lesson. :)